Crimes & Misdemeanors In The Vineyard

Cane cut too short.

A log of recent crimes & misdemeanors committed in the vineyard:

CRIMES
* Severely cutting some canes with fruit to one or two leaves before netting. (How will that fruit ripen?)
* Vacuuming vineyard and raking it spotless clean while purple clusters remain unprotected. (Is it more important having a pretty vineyard or saving the grapes? Priorities, please!)
* Leaving hard green clusters on the vine. (They will not ripen in time and might lower overall quality of the wine.)
* Leaving pulled green grapes on the ground where they will dry and the dog will eat them, possibly making him ill. (Queen to husband: "Would you mind picking up those grapes and your cuttings!" She doesn't know how to swear in English, so she finishes that kind of request with an "aho" (which means stupid or fool in Japanese).
* Under watering three rows of Aglianico vines. (Fruit has withered on the vine or did not form at all.)
* Mowing down a row of Grenache vines, cutting them to 1/2 the length they were meant to be. (You think all vines need to be cut before a net goes over them, well they don't.)
* Bending canes to shorten them, snapping them or damaging them.
* Paying someone to cut the canes too short, or not at all, and folding long canes over each other without pulling off the 2nd growth fruit.

Canes cut short, with long canes
folded over and compacted.

MISDEMEANORS:
* Not cutting cane and folding long canes on top of each other before netting (how will sunlight reach the fruit and the leaves)?
* Not pulling the 2nd growth fruit off of the end of the vines, because you think the birds need food to eat (all that energy is going into unnecessary grapes, instead of the grapes we will use to make wine).
* Raking up all the leaves for the recycle garbage man and not leaving them to compost in the vineyard. ("Where will the nutrition come from?" I ask. "Just buy chemical fertilizer," she replies.  I want to say aho.)
* Leaving gaping holes in the netting for the birds to enter when you say no birds will get in there. (Are you still trying to feed the birds?) Paying someone to put on nets and leave gaping holes.
* Writing this blog when I should be outside netting.

COLLATERAL DAMAGE:
* Bird caught in net.

MEDAL OF VALOR:
* Saving birds caught in net.
* Queen putting nets on the vine herself.
* Raking up the pulled clusters.
* Queen cutting the vines in snake alley by herself to prepare them for netting.
* Owl Gore (for catching a gopher, mouse, rat or some rodent every day)
* Getting most of the nets on in time and saving most of the crop from the birds.
* Saving Fidel's life (by not killing him).
* Bringing cold beer to the vineyard.

Does any of this take place on your property? I hate to say it, but, alas, I think this post will be continued.